update of doom

Helllllllllo all

seems i haven't used this thing in a while

yay...

well, to sum it up:

• ..........butterflies?......
• Nearly finished my first year of uni....ARGHHH....good lord I never thought i'd make it here:

I'm a mass of contradictions (but still can't spell, nor be bothered to use spell check). There's slightly less of me now but I've grown a lot. Still in one piece suprisingly, was damaging damaged goods but not anymore. Turned 18 but might as well have stayed an eternal 17 for all the adult things I've done. Unemployed now, but i was for 10 months. Paid slave labour, yet i miss it. Was a nail biter. Turned cat claws. Now they disapear when I get stressed....i miss them so. I see some friends weekly. Others I'm lucky to have any contact with. I'm ok with this, which is sad. Smart, but not smart enough to do things well in advance. i has a bf now who is awesome, loving and gorgeous. Rhyming names are the only draw back so i prefer to use ducky. Love my ducky. Patty has made the last 6.5 months some of the best in my life and he has my heart.

I'll never achieve that effortless "coolness" some people at uni wear like a perfume, but perhaps I no long carry the frightened animal appearence. I understand now why I made most of my friendships late in school. I'm shyer than I thought. I can count friends I've made at uni on my hands. maybe the hands of some farmer involved in a horrible machinery accident.

I can't see myself leaving home for a long time. All this doom and gloom about banks is a tad scary. I don't know what worries me more. That i don't have enough understanding of this situation to be properly concern, or that i don't think i'd care anyway.

So, intelligent prose as always.

Life outside the structure of school has been pretty good. there is a certain feeling of "eh, i COULD not go to uni ...if i wanted to....really wanted to...." All the 18ths were great excuses to meet up with friends. Not sure if the year of the 19ths will prove as awesome...

As always the future is uncertain. As always things are changing. I think so far change has been for the better and with that attitude, tomorrow seems a little easier.